Members of a popular online forum are left shaking their heads after a man revealed how he ended up in the middle of an all-out war between his wife and his mother.
in viral form reddit The post posted on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/EffortPresent9645 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said his mother lives hours away and explained how the “miserable” visit in 2019 sparked new conflict three years later.
entitled “[Am I the a**hole] For standing up for my mother over my wife, and telling my wife that it was her fault that she put me on the spot? ” Mail It has received more than 8,000 upvotes and 4,000 comments since August 26.
“My mom lives eight hours away by plane,” the OP began. “My wife made it clear when she moved that she needed to be the one to come to us because she chose to move.”
He went on to explain that his wife was adamant that her family wouldn’t change her life for his mother, the original poster said the last time she said made the trip To their home, things ended badly.
The OP wrote: “I visited my mom once, three years ago.” “We went to work as usual and she was on her own… We did our usual chores… We ate our usual nights of the week, and by the end of the trip my mom was miserable, exhausted and starving.”
The original poster also said that after years of travel restrictions related to the pandemic, he invited his mother to visit again. Unfortunately, it was his calling to reject– To the dismay of his wife.
I wrote O.B. “My wife wanted me to confront her about how ‘right’ she was.
“I refused, so I called my mom and accused her of being childish and in need of constant entertainment… Mom [yelled] that we were hosts, “the OP continued.” My wife asked to know who I was by his side and said to my mother… Now she feels that I have betrayed her, that I am a mama’s boy. “
Conflict with mother-in-law is common, in fact and on the World Wide Web.
Complaints about tyranny and deceit litter many marriage and parenting forums, often summed up in one pressing question: How much toxic behavior will be tolerated until someone says enough?
Expecting submission or special treatment is often a sign of a toxic mother-in-law, according to parenting website We Have Kids.
Forcing their child to side with them and, more specifically, forcing their child to stand side by side with his wife is another indication of toxicity, and a sure trigger for emotional warfare.
“If she can’t convince you to respect her authority, she will tighten the grip on your wife, her other children, her grandchildren, and as many friends and family as possible,” asserts We Have Kids. “She’ll make simple things complicated just to prove to everyone she’s the one behind the shot.”
However, when both spouses and their relatives are intent on making decisions, there is a greater possibility of a catastrophic breakdown between family members.
During the comments section of the viral Reddit post, Redditors acknowledged this possibility and called out the original poster, his wife, and his mother for their stubbornness and allowing their relationship to unravel as much as it happened.
“Everyone’s bad here,” Redditor u/Straight-Singer-2912 commented, garnering more than 7,000 upvotes. “Your mother was starving” because she expected someone to do the shopping and cook for her. It really is an excellent one.
“[Your wife] It was foolish to call your mother and argue with her…[and] You are the [a**hole] And they added, “Because you denigrated your wife in front of your mother,” but your mother is the eldest [a**hole]She’s driving a wedge, and she knows it.”
Redditor u/Mrs_ghee_buttersnaps, whose comment received over 2,500 upvotes, provided a similar response.
“[Everyone sucks here], “they wrote.” Your wife for being so callous and tough… Your mother assuming you guys will enjoy her… You don’t get to spend any time with your mother when I got off. “
Redditor u/jrm1102 added: “It looks like your wife not only set boundaries but went out of her way to make your mom feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.” “You should have intervened when your mother first moved in… maybe [everyone sucks here]. “
In the top comment of the post, which has garnered more than 16,000 votes, Redditor u/KaNGkyebin kept focus on the original poster and the role it plays in the conflict between his wife and mother.
“It seems to me that your wife does not want to be expected to relinquish all her responsibilities of planning and preparing, and of being the hostess, a role women have been adapted to take automatically,” they wrote.
They continued, “If you want your mother to come, talk to your wife about how to make sure you can be a welcoming and gracious host without overburdening your wife.” “Aka, you take on more of these responsibilities. [because] It’s your mother.”
NEWSWEEK u/EffortPresent9645 has been reached for comment.